July 20, 1302

Brunya City

There was a knock on the door.

“Come in,” Sera called, continuing to pack her bag.

“Where are you going?” Tess asked, entering Sera's bedroom.

“It’s been five days,” Sera told her, not looking away from her task. Her dark gold curls were now starting to turn the same copper color of her mother’s hair. Sera knew just one more misused dream-state would take the rest of her power from her, but she would willingly use it if Matt would let her. “If he won’t come to me, then I’ll go to him—promise or not.”

“After everything Vivyka told you, you still love him?” Tess asked in astonishment. "You’d forgive all of that?”

Sera whirled around, her eyes glossy with fresh tears. “That’s not him anymore!” she yelled. “Why doesn’t anyone understand that?”

“Maybe you’re the only one that sees it because you’re blinded by your feelings for him,” Tess suggested sadly. “I mean, he saved me and that’s huge, but if he can do that to Viv…”

Sera shook her head and sank onto her bed. She grabbed a yellow stuffed bunny that her mother had made for her when she was little and stroked its long ears, focusing on the toy while she forced herself to calm down. She took a deep breath. “No, Tess. You don’t know him.”

“And you do?”

“I know enough,” she told her fervently. “I know how he feels when he looks at me. I know how tender he is when he touches me. I know that he’d rather die than hurt me, and that’s what he’s doing—he’s dying inside, just as I am. Can you imagine your dad without your mom? Can you imagine my parents being apart? Why don’t you just leave Ayden? I’m sure you’d be fine.”

“Ayd isn’t capable of doing such horrible things, Sera,” Tess said firmly. “Neither is my dad or yours.”

“Neither is Matt,” Sera insisted. “Not anymore.”

“Even if he’s not like that with you right now, how are you sure he won’t be that way later, when he gets angry? I’ve seen him angry… it’s not pretty. And what if he’s not nice when he’s away from you?” she challenged. “He wasn’t nice when we were at his place.”

“Did you see him hurt anyone?”

“Not physically, but—”

“Then how do you know? Actions, not attitude, just like you always say. Do you even know of him being violent at all since he left the temple? Do you know of him actually doing anything wrong since then?”

“Well… no,” Tess admitted with a sigh. “But I’m scared. Everyone is. We love you. We don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Tess, listen,” Sera said very seriously. “I’m not you or Vivyka. I’m not like any of the women he’s been with. I have an advantage over all of you: I’m a healing cleric. I have been for several years now. I have my divine powers, so would be able to heal myself immediately if he were to slip, and I can feel his emotions, which would warn me so I could back away before anything happens. But I’m also a counselor. I’ve trained since I was twelve, and I’ve worked as one since I was fourteen. I know how to deal with all kinds of people. I’ve even worked with anger management problems. I understand Matt a lot better than you think, and I know how to help him. I’m not just some fool in love who doesn’t know what she’s getting into. Yes, he is much worse than anyone I’ve dealt with before, and I realize the risk involved if he actually lost his temper with me,” she admitted. “I also know that it will be difficult at times. But trust me—I do know what I’m doing.” She set down her stuffed animal and grabbed her bag. “Now unless you plan on physically trying to stop me, go. You won’t change my mind.”

Tess sighed again and stepped forward, pulling her cousin into her arms. “I hope you’re right. I really, really hope you’re right.”

Sera hugged her back. “I am. Even if you can’t trust Matt, trust me.”

Tess let go and nodded. “Doesn’t look like I have a choice.”

__________

Vivyka sat against a building and watched Sera leave, heading east toward Halimi. She sighed. Sera was just as stupid and naive as Vivyka had been three years ago, believing that monsters could change, that maybe if you were good enough they might actually love you. But she couldn’t let her do this.

She flicked her cigarette into the street and stood up. Maybe visual proof would get through to her.

__________

Why did people have to keep picking fights with him? Matt wondered. It seemed he couldn’t go anywhere without someone having a problem. But he couldn’t just sit in his apartment, brooding and miserable, trying so hard not to think about Sera that he thought of nothing else. So he went out and walked around, and somehow his past kept finding him. Now that it was known that he didn’t have the church’s protection, it seemed everyone wanted a piece of him.

The latest was a man whose friend Matt supposedly killed—the name didn’t sound familiar, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t done it. He couldn’t remember most of their names. He took a swing at the guy as he considered moving to a new town, somewhere he had never been before. There was Lordell, but that was too close to Seaport. Chendal and Brunya City were definitely out. Talia might work—how much trouble could there be way up there? But then, he hated the cold, and Talia was in the mountains, at the foot of the Snow Peaks. There was Jaida Grove, though it was seriously a dump…

He was so caught up in his thoughts that he was a little surprised when he looked down to find the man sprawled on the ground with Matt's sword at his throat. Matt put his weapon away and offered the man a hand. He didn’t take it and instead got to his feet on his own, glaring.

“Just go,” Matt told him with a weary sigh. Thankfully, the guy listened and took off running.

“Hey, Mathias,” someone called from behind him.

He groaned and swore under his breath. Jaida Grove was starting to look better.

“Mathias?”

With another sigh, he turned around. “What do you want?” he grumbled.

The guy couldn’t have been more than twenty, with a baby face and long, dirty blond hair tied back at the nape of his neck. “Do you remember me?”

“No, what’d I do to you?” Matt asked flatly.

The guy looked confused. “Nothing. I met you at the temple in Oraunt last year. My name’s Nate. I just wanted to say hi.”

Matt raised a brow. “Haven’t heard the news, then?”

“Oh, yeah, sure,” Nate said. “Who hasn’t heard about you destroying the Kieran?”

“Apparently no one,” Matt grumbled. “Funny, since no one knew she was even back as a ghost a couple months ago.”

“Well, it was pretty big news that you got booted from the church. People were shocked, you being who you are and all. So, when people asked what happened, they found out about Kieran, as well. And a lot of people asked, since you’re a bit famous with the Malluk crowd.”

“Unfortunately.”

“So, what? You fighting for the goodies now?” Nate asked curiously.

“No,” Matt muttered and started walking.

Nate kept up. “So… uh, mind if I join you for a drink?”

Matt shot him a sideways glance. “You paying?”

“Guess you don’t have money to burn like you used to,” Nate said with a chuckle. “Well, okay then—I’ll buy.”

__________

What started out as a good distraction and a free drink, then dinner, ended up being seriously annoying. Nate turned out to be a fan. He had heard about some of the things Matt had done while serving Malluk and wanted to hear the stories from the man himself. It was exactly the opposite of how Matt wanted to spend his evening. But he grudgingly answered the questions while he ate and helped himself to some whiskey, something he never drank. Sober people won fights, not drunks, but he didn’t care anymore.

Predictably, a woman walked up before too long, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Hey there, handsome.”

“Not interested,” Matt told her, and she walked away.

“You didn’t even look at her,” Nate said incredulously. “She’s gorgeous.”

Matt shrugged. “You have her, then.”

Nate chuckled and got up. “I think I will,” he said, patting Matt on the shoulder. “See you around.”

“Not if I can help it,” Matt muttered under his breath.

After a moment, he sighed and rubbed his face. When he got up, he stood still until his head stopped spinning before he headed back to Coral Tavern.

“When’re you gonna pay your tab?” the barkeeper called as soon as he entered.

“Soon,” Matt answered, and kept walking.

“You said that two days ago.”

“Soon,” he repeated and went upstairs to his apartment. They would be asking for rent next. It was definitely time to leave town.

He glanced down at the sword hanging from his belt. It was the Farlon Lighting Blade, enchanted by the great mage Farlon himself. He could sell it to the Mages Guild, and even if he only got half of what he paid for it, it would be a fortune. He sighed, really not liking the idea of parting with it, but he was going to have to do something––he needed money to live on.

He let it go; he would decide later, when he was sober and his head was clear. For now, he grabbed a bottle of ale out of the ice chest and lit a cigarette. He stripped and dumped most of his things on the couch, leaving him in just pants, then headed into the bedroom.

Thankfully, the sun was setting, so it was cooling down. Halimi during the day in July was incredibly hot, but this time of day had always been his favorite, with the cool evening breeze coming in and caressing his skin after a day of roasting in the heat. It didn’t give him much pleasure now––nothing did anymore. The fire he used to have for life felt severely diminished. With every day that passed without Sera, the world lost more of its color.

It had been almost a week since he had last seen her. He should feel proud of himself for having the will to stay away, but he didn't. He wasn’t even sure if he did have the will, since all he had done was not say her name, but he figured she wasn’t trying to see him anymore. If she were, than surely he would end up in the meadow again when he slept, instead of in his own nightmares––another thing losing his birthmark had brought him.

He sat on his bed and sighed heavily. Even if he said her name, she wouldn’t come, not now. Vivyka would have told her everything. Sera would hate him now, as she should. And yet he couldn’t keep her face from haunting him. It would have been better if he could imagine her looking at him the way Tess did––with disgust. But every time he closed his eyes, he saw Sera's warm, tender, adoring expression, and it killed him.

Maybe if he saw it, he reasoned––if he saw that she didn’t love him anymore––then maybe he could stop thinking about her. Maybe he would stop feeling as if he were torn into pieces, missing her so much that it was hard to breathe.

He took another drag of his cigarette and put it out, then set his ale on the bedside table and laid his head back against the pillow. He was suddenly sure that he just needed to know that she didn’t care about him anymore, and then he could let her go. But would she even come to him now?

He closed his eyes and breathed her name. “Sera.”

He knew he was in the meadow before he opened his eyes––he was suddenly sober, and he could feel the grass under his bare feet and smell the blossoms on the trees. And he could feel her, somehow. He was flooded with relief, but it quickly turned to dread. Now that he was here, he was scared to look, scared to see what was in her eyes. She would hate him now, but he didn’t want her to.

He took a deep breath and opened his eyes. She was standing ten feet away, wearing her white sundress. Her long ringlet curls were even darker now, a light copper. She bit her lip for a moment, and then a smile grew slowly until she was beaming at him. Abruptly, she ran to him and threw herself into his embrace. She wrapped her arms around his neck and let out a happy little laugh when he hugged her and lifted her up.

When he set her down, she reached up and kissed him sweetly. “You came back,” she cried.

“I’m weak.”

“You’re wonderful,” she told him, and kissed him again.

He held her close as he returned her kiss hungrily. He had been starving without her, craving her warmth, needing her love. “My angel,” he breathed against her lips.

She leaned back so she could look up at him. “I love you,” she said feelingly.

He smiled, happy to hear those words and see warmth and tenderness in her eyes. Then he grew serious and asked, “Vivyka…?”

“She told me. Though I already knew enough. I was the one who healed her after…” She took a deep breath and shook her head. “But Matt, that’s not you anymore. I know that. I said that I would love you no matter what, and I always will. Nothing will ever change that.”

Then a new voice spoke. “I wouldn’t say that just yet.”

Sera turned, gaping at the newcomer. “But… how…?”